I'm 19 and I...

All these posts these days are about "what you need to know in your twenty-somethings", but what about us who aren't 20 or something? We still want to know some things, around here.

I went to college, and I experienced things that I never would have thought. I lost some friends, but then I gained some really good ones as well, and nobody navigated me through that.

So what should us '19 or somethings' need to know?

Well number one, you're only 19, so really, we are like the babies of the adult world, so if you have no clue what's going on, I also accidentally put the orange juice away in the cupboard instead of the fridge, so don't even worry.

Number two, if someone has to claim how kind they are, don't trust them or their said 'kindness'. Having to claim that you're kind is only showing that you are doing these said 'nice things' to get praise, not gratitude. So these people aren't kind at all and probably are the ones who steal your fries when you turn around to look at those cute shoes (that actually are $50, so you don't need them). 

Number three, dancing in your room in your underwear after you finish up your week of homework is completely, beyond okay. Keep twerking it out to the new JB song, homegirl.

Number four, if a boy doesn't want to let everyone know how lucky he is to be with you, you drop him. Just kick that boy right off your Snapchat list. You don't deserve someone who isn't extremely proud to call you theirs and show you off, and even though it's extremely hard, Betos is open 24 hours, and they don't ignore your texts.

Number five, buying four boxes of root beer float flavored popsicles while grocery shopping is a completely normal thing, especially if they are on sale. Buy eight, if you really want to, and then share them with me because mine are most likely gone.

Number six, $4 lattes literally add up to like, over a thousand dollars a year, so bring your exhausted self to your local Wal-Mart and buy a $20 coffee maker. While you are at it, teach me how to do that as well because I drop money on coffee like it's my day job.

Number seven, partying and going out every weekend isn't good on you, your reputation or your body. I'm not saying that going to a party every once in a while is bad, but you also can't be that person who uses the "but I was drunk!" excuse, because guess what, being drunk isn't an excuse to a. ruin your life or someone else's and b. make stupid decisions.

Number eight, you can try and live vicariously through all 11 seasons of Grey's Anatomy and pretend you are Meredith Grey, but really, you are a 19 year old who has to do her own laundry and eat leftover pasta for dinner and not a general surgeon. On the bright side, next month you can pretend to be Naomi and that you live in Beverly Hills on 90210. The possibilities are endless!

Number nine, don't ever let anyone tell you that going to Target is a bad idea. You may not have a whole ton of money to blow, but there is a section that sells awful, flashy socks for only a dollar and if that isn't a day-brightener, than I don't know what is.

Number ten, never forget to make someones day. I've made it a goal of mine to always compliment someones outfit and/or any other thing about/or on them. Nobody is like "omg some girl just told me my shirt was cute. ew. I'm never wearing it again." They will most likely burst into their moms room at 11 pm and tell her how nice some girl at Chuck a Rama was, and wear that shirt for four days straight and even sleep in it. So not only does that brighten someone else's day, but you may find out where they got it and find yourself on a shopping spree the next day, and who doesn't enjoy that?

Finally, number 11, if you want to be a fire fighter one day and a fashion blogger the next, that's okay. Everyone is struggling to find their inner person and what they want to be when they grow up. You may say "grow up? we are already grown up?" but no. We aren't. We are only 19, we definitely aren't grown up yet.

Characters.

So since I'm still trying to decide what to major in, and I took this awesome education class, we had to write an essay on Character Education and whether or not it should be taught to students.

First of all, why is this even a question!?

Maybe I just feel rather strong about this particular address, but seriously, people. Do you even know how many people I have met that could have benefited from just a small hour of Character Education back in high school?

I had the fantastic privilege that my parents taught me to not discriminate, befriend anyone who looks like they need one, and just be a kind, accepting, not an a-hole person in general. Some people, unfortunately weren't raised how I was, and we can't necessarily blame them.

Here is my thought process: 

You learn SO much during school. Not only on the education spectrum, but on your own personal level as well. You are spending a whole day practically with other kids who are going through a million things that you have no idea about. You don't know why that girl wears the same shirt everyday; maybe she doesn't have any other means to get another one. You don't know that the boy who sits alone at lunch has severe social anxiety, and when you do find that out, why would you tease them about it? These are things that they can't help.

I've decided that the kids who have to tear down others to get to the top, are the kids who in their home life, are treated the same way. They've been raised that way or they haven't been raised at all.

Honestly, middle school is the worst. It's the time when you are finding yourself and going through all sorts of other changes, and it's also when bullying plays the biggest factor. I wasn't necessarily 'bullied', but I do know someone who was, and seeing her struggle everyday, was the hardest thing I've had to do. If there was only a class, just for an hour a day, that gave kids a reason to only point out the good in people and how to treat your fellow peers.

In this day and age where social media plays such a prevalent part in our lives, I feel like bullying has gotten worse because you can do it without even looking at the person. The other day I saw this tweet that said "If you don't like being cyberbullied, just turn the computer off. LOL." 

Umm, no. It's not that easy.

You may be able to turn the computer off, but everyone has already seen it, including you, and it's already put a tear in your self-esteem, and when you go to school the next day, you know that's what everyone is whispering about. In most cases, I feel like it also gets worse when you 'ignore' it, like all your teachers and parents say to. They don't know what those words are doing to you and making you feel. They have no idea.

This summer I read this book called 'Thirteen Reasons Why". It was the most enlightening, but yet dark, book I've ever read. This girl has thirteen reasons why she committed suicide, and the thirteen people who made her do it, makes tapes of why, and sends them to the people, just so they can get a feel of what she felt like, the feelings that made her take her own life. The thing I noticed the most in this book is the fact that they DID have a type of Character Education class, where as she was in there, she did feel like she mattered, even for a little while. 

But, sometimes that isn't enough.

You can only teach people so much, and just hope they bring those teachings into normal society with them and use them to their fullest extent. 

I make it a goal of mine everyday to compliment at least three people. Not only does this act make me feel better as a person, I hopefully brightened someone else's day(and found out where I can get some cute clothes from). 

If I do end up becoming a teacher, I will make it my everyday desire to make every student that walks into that door, feel like they matter and are cared for. I don't care if my future students don't take anything else away from my class than to treat people how they would want to be treated.

taliajune;

___ days.

I don't know if it's just me, but I think it is absolutely crazy that January is already pretty much half way over. Before I know it, it'll be time to take naps by the pool instead of cuddled up in a cheetah blanket while trying to avoid any human interaction with my roommates.

I've been feeling extra nostalagic these days, which really sucks because I love St. George and everything it has to offer, but it just isn't what I was expecting at all and I still have about four more months to go until I can start another chapter in my life. When I think about everything I've already experienced, it makes me feel a little better, especially when I think about the month I'm in, in general.

In honor of it being the sixteenth of January and I really didn't have a 'resolution', but then I realized that it's been sixteen days since I've had McDonalds or any type of fast food in general(besides Del Taco, but those tacos have my heart and I'm not going to stop going), which is a really bad thing to be happy about, but here I am, not eating chicken nuggets, with half of a resolution sixteen days later.

On the fifteenth day of January, I decided I wanted to try new things; things to make myself a better person mentally and physically. I went for a run, did some squats and today, with the most sore legs possible, I don't understand what I was thinking. I even ate a salad instead of pizza and am planning on going on a little hike tomorrow morning. It's actually kind of amazing how ideas that you carry out can make you feel better. (My idea of 'morning' is like, noon, so we still haven't gotten better at waking up just yet, and an update on if the hike even happened or not should be in order.)

On Wednesday the fourteenth, after I did a whole lot of nothing good pertaining to my life and drank more iced coffee that any human should, I decided that when I move back up north this summer, I'm going to find the cutest apartment in the middle of downtown Salt Lake and decorate it how I've always wanted to. I love my mom and living with her, don't get me wrong, but do you even know how hard it would be going from living by yourself for a year to having rules to abide by again? Hopefully my new roommate up there knows how to do dishes and like to adventure.

I came to college to find my 'path of life' and here I am, two semesters in and I still have absolutely no idea what I want to do for my career. I took an education class and as the thirteenth rolled around and it was my first day of that class, I had already signed up to go prospect a special education class before the semester ends and I'm actually super stoked. If you know me, you know that my heart belongs to all the down syndrome kids and I watch entirely too much Criminal Minds in my free time. Maybe this experience will give me at least an idea of what I want my future to look like.

Everyone was freaking out about their second semester starting and so here comes Monday the twelfth, the first day, and I had a yoga class. Just one class... and it is yoga. I don't know if I'm just really doing this whole college thing right, but Monday morning yoga sounds like I know my stuff. Have fun, everyone else! I'm going to be finding my inner self and then taking a nice nap.

I've been thinking about what I need as a person a lot and on Sunday the eleventh, I decided I've been doing a lot of things I'm not proud of. As an eighteen year old girl, I go to people with every intent that they want to build me up as a person and genuinely get to know me, like how I want to with them. More than I'd like to admit, these experiences leave me feeling worse than I did before they happened; stumbling over the guilt of the terrible person I believe myself to be. Going back to Sunday, that was the day that I realized I'm the only one who can change what I don't like, and it's almost Sunday again, and now I'm realizing what a long process it is going to be, but I'm not going home with regret and remorse anymore, no matter who or what I lose in the process.


On a brighter note, I started reading again and I forgot how much I love books.


taliajune;

Who cares?

By the sound of the title for this post, you are probably expecting another angry college rant, and I just unfortunately got my first speeding ticket, so I do have something to rant about, but, I'm just not feeling those angry feelings tonight.

Let's start from the beginning.

So here I am, just chilling with one of my friends, and somehow our conversation gears towards looks. It's no secret that I struggle with acne, and that seems to bother me more than most people. I stated that fact and my friend said "Your acne isn't even bad compared to some other people." Which I know is true, but then he decided to throw in "if I were you, I would be more worried about your teeth. You'll have everything going for you when you get those fixed." 

I know what you are thinking; what an a-hole thing to say, but to me, it's really not.

Yeah, it sucks when someone points something out to you that you know you struggle with, and my teeth are all sorts of messed up, but right now, I don't have the means to fix that particular part of me, so why should I let it bother me when there is nothing I can do about it?

I mean, I should be thankful that he pointed it out, but then backed it up with a 'compliment' of some sort. In all honesty, he probably didn't realize what he was saying, and I'm not blaming him for anything, but I'm also not saying that I completely brushed it off like I sounded like I did. 

At work tonight, I noticed myself smiling without showing teeth, which I never do because that makes my cheeks look a little deformed, like the Joker or something. Subconsciously, it was most likely from that comment, which actually really sucks because I've been complimented multiple times how nice of a smile I have and to never stop smiling. 

So why am I hiding my insecurity from people who may not even care about it?

The people who gave me those compliments were senior citizens who enjoy buffets, so their eye sight may have been going out, but smiles are the one thing I always notice first when I meet people, not their teeth.

On Twitter, all I see are "good teeth are a must in my future spouse!" 

Liiiiiiiike, all you want is someone with good teeth? Yeah, they are certainly a plus, but I have met plenty of people with flawless teeth who have less than decent personalities. If you are only looking at people for their looks, then you actually deserve someone like that. I want to find someone that holds me up as a person. Someone who loves me for what I have inside, not what I look like on the outside. 

I know how cliche this sounds, but just bear with me for a minute. 

At work again tonight, there was a mentally ill man in the section next to mine. By mentally ill, I mean he was in his late 40's, but was acting like he was two or three. I personally love mentally ill people, so his behavior didn't bother me at all, but I did notice that neighboring customers were looking at the family with annoyance and other customers coming into the restaurant would avoid sitting close to them at all, and I just don't understand the ignorance some people have.

Maybe that's what this whole thing is; an ignorance problem.

Those people were looking at that man like he was lower than them, like he wasn't good enough. That's what I thought when that comment was said to me. I wasn't good enough because my teeth are a little crooked. 

But you know what? I don't want to be 'good enough'. 

I know that I am me, no matter what. That man I saw earlier payed no attention to anyone around him. He is one of the happiest men I've seen in a while, and even told me to have a great night and to be happy. (He actually screamed it at me, but that's okay.) I want to be as happy as that man is, and that means not caring what other people are going to think about me, and just being the best me. 

I may get my teeth fixed one of these days, but that's not going to change the person I am. 

Hi, I'm Talia and even though I have acne, watch way too much Netflix and have some teeth that aren't even close to being straight, I'm still cool and you should still try and get to know me.

taliajune;

Just because.

I know how much we all love cliche 'new year new me' posts, and as much as I love hearing about how you are going to become a better person, that you graduated high school and started college, read what you did all of 2014 on Instagram and that you are going to stop drinking Mountain Dew or something, I really actually hate it. (We all know you are still drinking the Mountain Dew anyways.)

I am going to say, though, that 2014 was quite a year, and I have thought about a lot that happened and the person those experiences have made me become.

2014 made me realize that just because...

you have your first heartbreak, it won't be your last and it honestly really isn't a big deal.

you get a tattoo(or three), you aren't a terrible person.

you don't live at home anymore, family should always be your first priority.

you have a plethora of cat socks, you aren't classified as a crazy cat lady just yet.

you turn 18, you aren't an adult.

you mess up, doesn't make you a terrible person and your life is definitely not over.

you have extra spending money, probably don't buy Iceberg shakes every other day.

you get feelings for your first college guy, he probably isn't the one for you.

you had sex, you aren't a slut.

you didn't like that girl in high school, you are going to become friends and realize that high school was just a competition of who can hate each other the most for no reason.

you have severe acne, you aren't less of a person.

you graduated high school, life doesn't magically become easier.

you watch The Kardashians every Sunday, you'll unfortunately never become one.

St. George has two coffee shops, you don't have to go to each one every day.

you have new-found freedom, don't take advantage of it and be smart.

you are in a new place, don't let that fear hold you back; embrace it and start new.

you cut your hair, you are still the same person.

everyone else around you is change, be true to yourself.

you drink alcohol, you aren't cool and shouldn't drink just because you think you are.

you have to grocery shop by yourself, you don't have to buy Pizza Rolls every. single. time.

shirts with funny sayings are always on sale, it is possible to have too many.

you only knew each other for a short amount of time, you'll be best friends for life.

the world is full of closed-minded, you can open yours.

society believes you should be someone different, you should be who you want to be.

Victoria's Secret models are really getting it, they probably aren't even real people.

you are limited, the world needs to be explored.

you have one bad day, your whole life isn't terrible.

your dreams may seem far-fetched, keep aiming towards them. No matter what.

Now, in all reality, since there are nine seasons of Criminal Minds to go through, my past year was spent in my bed with Netflix, I wouldn't change one experience I've endured for anything. I wouldn't want to be anyone different than who I am. (except maybe Blake Lively. Who wouldn't want to be her?) 

Since it's 2015, and if I cared enough to write the date on my papers I'd still be writing 2014, I'm hoping that this year has a lot more in store for me, because I'm ready.

taliajune;

Hell week.

I'm sure everyone is really looking forward to me complain about college some more, so I'm here to make your dreams come true. ;)

Two words:

Finals week.

"Oh, but Talia, you've had months to prepare for this week in your life. Why are you stressing?"

Well, let me tell you real quick.

For one, I suck at anything school related, so since I'm just kind of hanging on by a thread, these tests aren't the business in my life. For two, I started out the week hearing that combat boots are now considered the Aeropostale of shoes, and this is concerning because I literally love combat boots and in fact wore some today. This situation needs to be figured out soon, because certain skirts need those babies. For three, I have to listen to classical music to really concentrate on my math, and that's embarrassing because I'm sure my roommates don't necessarily love piano solos. Fourth, I'm writing this post so I'm not obviously doing what I should be aka studying or aka killing myself. For five, I've gotten into a bad habit(since Friday) where I go to bed at three am-ish and wake up around noonish. This isn't working out for me because I waste my whole day away and my final tomorrow is at 8 am, so I can't sleep through that bad boy. For six, I made a goal for myself the beginning of the semester that I wanted at least an 80% on my math final, and that's reaching for the stars at this point. Like, seriously, what was I thinking? Anyone want to pretend to be Talia for a couple hours? For seven, I went to the local polygamist community today and they don't even have to go to school after 8th grade, so they aren't even stressing like I am right now. They're just chillin', braiding each others hair. Eighth, once I leave the class or take the test, I forget everything I have learned. It's nearly impossible to dig through my brain and blow the dust off all my prior learnings. For nine, all I can really think about right now is McDonalds. For ten, my two best friends are officially out of my Dixie life next semester; actually in the next three days and it makes me really upset, thus making me not able to concentrate as well as I should be.

So you could say I'm slightly stressing. Feel free to drop a truck load of Pizza Rolls and coffee to apartment two. 

Okay, maybe I'm being dramatic. Finals week isn't all bad... when I really really think about it.

I mean, my finals aren't till tomorrow, so I have almost two days of stress free living. 

My neighbors decided to clean their absolutely disgusting apartment and even though I don't live there, I felt some stress lifted off my shoulders. 

I use the right 'your' and 'there' in real-life text message sentences, so my English final is going to be caaaaake.

The satisfaction of finishing my first semester of college is going to be hard to beat.

My roommate is extremely occupied with her own finals, that she isn't bothering me with herself or her hamster.

I took some cute pictures with some really cute friends so we can look back and remember our sanity.

There is always some type of free food on campus and I love free food.

If you don't see me in a couple days, it's because finals got me. God bless.

taliajune;

One down, one more to go.

In a week, I'll be officially finished with my first semester of college, which completely blows my finals-filled mind. It seems like just a week ago I was posing in front of my door, by the garbage bag with my Capri Sun and yogurt, headed off to my first class.
I'm sure somewhere in the past I wrote a post about what I've learned during my stay here in sunny St. George, and I'm about to do the same thing, but a 'first semester' addition.

In the past four months of college I have learned:
Roommates are not necessarily meant to be your best friends. (Except for one. You need just one good one.)
Not everyone enjoys cleanliness as much as you do.
I live in the trashy of student housing.
Your neighbor can get arrested for stealing someone else's dirty clothes.
McDonalds will always be delicious, no matter how bad it is for you.
Denny's every morning of the weekend with leftover make up on is in fact, not frowned upon.
You won't completely have a life, no matter how hard you try to.
It's better to just park in the very back of the Target parking lot. There won't be one up front. (That's probably better, because then you have a little walk to work those Pizza Rolls off.)
Math homework= Netflix 90% of the time.
Netflix, I'm positive, was made for college students.
Taking 8 and 9 am classes is such a Freshmen thing to do.
I don't know what I hate more; buying a scantron every time or taking the actual test.
BSing your homework will most likely give you a better grade than if you actually try.
Dryers can be broken for more than two months.
Coffee becomes water some days.
Girlfriends are very rare and should be cherished.
Best friends become your family away from home.
Not every attractive guy will treat you how you deserve to be treated. (Thanks a lot, movies.)
You can fight with roommates through sticky notes.
Walking to school isn't as fun as it was the first week.
My couch was bought at the DI.
Saturday mornings are sometimes worse than Monday's.
Weekends home are such a nice refreshment.
College isn't at all like how it is on the movies and tv shows.
One, can indeed, live off Pizza Rolls.
2am becomes the new 10pm.
Missing class once starts an unhealthy trend for the future.
and finally, the most important thing I have learned is that

I love college and the experiences I've had so far.

Yes, maybe I have ran into a couple a-holes along the way and maybe done something I'm not proud of, but at the end of the night, in between stressing about what I have to do the following day, I remember that those bad experiences are shaping me into the person I have become, and making me a stronger version of myself. 

You need a bad time to be grateful for the good ones, and the good ones are what we live for.

taliajune;

ps. It's finals week, so pray for my little soul. rip.