20 years and counting

I'm twenty years old and getting married.
All I ever hear living in Utah is "When's the big day?" and when I tell them it's a year away, they automatically go blank and ask why I'm waiting so long. I don't think people in this state even comprehend that not everyone is LDS and can plan a whole wedding in less than two months. I'm not in any rush to get married(I actually am because I am SO excited), and long engagements are actually so important, and, so is my bank account. ;)

I'm not judging anyone who gets married super quick because we all know why they are, and that's none of my/anyone else's business. I just can't comprehend how you get to know someone in three short months. My fiance and I have been living with each other for over six months and are still getting to know each other and how to work well with our differences. I've read so many blog posts about how moving in with someone is such a hard adjustment, but I honestly didn't think it was at all. It definitely made our relationship stronger in the long run. Yes we have arguments and yes the house isn't always clean, but we are doing the best that we can and I think it' working rather nicely.  Plus, there is no better feeling than waking up every morning next to the person you love.  I just would hope that one day when I tell someone when our date is, they just congratulate me instead of asking why I am waiting so long because I am only twenty years old and we really haven't been together for that long. 

I remember before I left for my freshman year of college, my mom was telling me that I was going to get married. It wasn't because we are devote Mormons, but because she just somehow knew. Mom's always seem to know. I kept denying it and denying it because in my heart, I honestly did not even think I would be in a serious relationship at this point in my life. I was planning on moving to college and partying, making all sorts of new friends, and having the best time of my life while being single. In high school, I was in a relationship the entire time up until a month before my senior year ended and that is my biggest regret. It wasn't because I was treated bad by my boyfriend or anything like that, I just lost all of my friends from only hanging out with him, I never went to any basketball or football games or even any activities after school because he didn't want to, and I completely secluded myself from anything or anyone that wasn't my said boyfriend.
Why did I do this? I felt my worth was defined by the love that I was getting from him and only him, and I learned to stop loving myself in the process. So when we broke up, I was left completely alone and even more confused on who I was as my own person. I was only seventeen years old at that point, and I was going off to college as someone who didn't even recognize herself in the mirror.

College wasn't much different than high school, honestly. I did some crazy things, some of which I am not proud of, and I feel like I got everything out of my system in just one semester pretty much. When I look back at it now, I did these things because of how I perceived myself. I absolutely hated myself and the things I was doing was making that hate grow stronger. It surprisingly took a boy to help me realize that I am worth more than I am giving myself credit for, and he taught me not only how to love myself, but also how to love him deeper and better as well. That is one reason that I don't even feel like twenty years is that young to be getting married. I always forget that I'm only twenty years old, actually. I've successfully completed three years of college( I have nothing to show for it because of the amount of credits I take a semester lol stop asking me when I am going to graduate), I have my own town home and pay for it myself, I am completely independent, and I have two jobs out of choice. So I personally don't think I am doing too bad for a twenty year old girl.

Now on another note, I have nothing against people who aren't going to school or are still living with their parents. If you personally think that you are doing good in life, then that is all that matters. Don't let anyone tell you that you're too young to be doing something or that you haven't accomplished enough yet. If you can get yourself out of bed every single day and start your day, then props to ya. Feel accomplished for that. Even the smallest of accomplishments matter. Just don't forget to love!


taliajune