Organized

I am sure that all of us can recall a moment in our lives that made us uncomfortable, judged and or 'picked on'.

Earlier today I was going through my clothes to decide what to wear, like we all do literally every single day, and saw some of my shorts. I was thinking, "Now since I am a mom, do I have to retire my short American Eagle shorts and buy some Bermudas or something?" (because that is what everyone is thinking in the middle of Feburary, right?) Then I went to class and we talked about if your choice of clothing is a good way to express your personality and if you express your personality through your clothes without even knowing you are doing so.

Always so weird how things co-exist like this or when you are thinking of something and then see an ad for the same thing on Facebook? I hate that, but anyways. 

I 100% believe that we as humans express ourselves with what we are given, i.e. clothing choices. So then I started thinking back to this morning and why I thought I needed to change the length of my shorts just because I am a mom now. I am not trying to show off my body or make people want to look at me when I wear shorts, but I wear them because it is hot outside and I am not going to be sweating if I do not have to be. Plus, why is it anyones business if I wanted to wear shorts or pants that day? They didn't buy them and put them on. 

The times I have seen this type of judgement happen the most is when I was practicing the LDS religion. 

This one time in the 9th grade it was the state-wide Lagoon day or whatever that is. My bff and I wanted to wear shorts that went above the knee (a school dress-code violation) so we were not able to ride the bus with some other students. I won't get into school dress-code because that in itself is a hot mess that I get real worked up about. So, my friend and I got a ride to Lagoon with one of our other really good friends; also LDS. His mom drove us there and they both were acting very strange. Both him and his mom would not look us in the eye and barely talked the whole way there. When we got to Lagoon he told us that his mom is mad at him because he invited girls who were wearing SHORTS in the van. Keep in mind, both my friend and I were LDS and the shorts were just barely above our knees! I thought this was weird, and I just kind of stopped talking to this friend because I felt uncomfortable around him, but it was strange because he didn't do anything that most people think of when they say that they are uncomfortable, but I was because I felt violated and looked down on. He then blocked me on Facebook and various social media accounts after that and we never spoke again.

The summer after that incident happened, I then went to Lagoon with quite a few of my friends. Lagoon obviously had something out for me, I guess. It was literally the middle of July so one of my best friends and I decided we were going to wear tank tops because it was HOT. We had to secretly text each other and plan it because we knew it was a big no-no in our friend group but we wanted to be rebels, I guess. Again, we got a ride with a friends mom and they were acting strange.

But I knew what it was this time.

My friend and I were judged by our other 'friends' and one of their moms because we were wearing tank tops in the middle of July to an amusement park. They texted us while on a different end of the park saying that they were upset about us wearing tank tops. Why? I will honestly never know. My shoulders showing were not bothering anyone else. I was not provocative at 13-14 in a tank top in July. 

Even now when I think of this I get frustrated. I was Mormon a majority of my life. Not the greatest Mormon by any means, but I did love the religion for a hot minute. But, I was always trying to be better for other people and never myself. I did not think for myself. I did what the church told me I should be doing to be 'worthy'. I picked friends based on their choice of church. I did not wear what I wanted to because it was 

A. Not modest enough for the religions standards; even in SUMMER.

B. I was taught that the woman in the family is the caregiver, homemaker and is to be making babies and staying home with those babies.

My mom has always been a working mom and I felt like that what they were saying couldn't be right because my mom worked and she was still an amazing mom. It did not make sense to me at all.

and C. I feared relationships of any type. I was not taught in church how to have a healthy relationship with your spouse. I was told that any type of sexual feeling was a sin and that sex is saved for marriage (which that is not the problem) and to only be enjoyed by a man and his wife and that it is meant to procreate. If it weren't for my mom teaching us actual sex-ed, this view could have been skewed for me for a long time.

The people that I chose to surround myself with during these years were toxic to me. I was pretending to be someone that I wasn't, and when I was slowly becoming myself, they stopped talking to me and our years of friendship disappeared like it never even happened. I did things they did not agree with and instead of putting their feelings aside, they cut ties. These years were hard. I had to completely start over and find the person who I wanted to be and not who my previous religion wanted me to be.

The Mormon religion has forever left a mark on me and not in the best way. They have some good teaching, but they also teach a lot of shame, judgement and false fears on their members. As I have grown and when I think back to the things I was taught in church, I realized that I never really agreed with what was being said and I questioned the teachings frequently. Now, this is my personal opinion. I have a lot of friends who are still active in the religion that are amazing people. I would never treat someone differently just because of my own personal experience. Organized religions work really well for some and for some, just not so much.

With all the negative experiences aside, I was taught some good things in church and enjoyed it a lot of the time. It was not all bad.

-Talia :)

ps. If you are the friends I was talking about, I really have NO hard feelings towards anyone! We were young, impressionable and just trying to follow the teachings of the church! 

Intrusive

Hello, again!

It has been a hot minute, but ya girl is

back!

I have had years worth of writers block recently, and then all of the sudden had an urge to share my mental health story in hopes of helping someone, somewhere who may be possibly going through the same thing or something similar. With that being said, this is also a potential trigger waning for reasons regarding disordered eating, anxiety, depression, etc.

Please read cautiously!

I can recall anxiety attacks as early as the 6th grade. These have always manifested themselves as nausea, feeling so sick to the point I have to lay down for hours to make it go away and just complete exhaustion. Some years are worse than others years, but it is always present in one way or another every single day.

When I started noticing that my anxiety was particularly bad around food, I was in high school. I don't remember what triggered it first off, but I do remember sitting in restaurants with my family and boyfriend at the time and be so overwhelmed with anxiety I was physically sick. I could not eat, I could not be around food and all I could think about was how fast I could get out of this environment.

I wasn't getting help. 

 I honestly didn't even know I was experiencing anxiety or depression. 

I was oblivious and this continued on throughout my first year of college.

When I moved to St. George I was 18 and couldn't wait to be on my own. I was working a job where I could completely cover all of my expenses and that included food. I literally never bought food unless it was junk and/or eating out (chick fil a, anyone?). Nobody I was close to had any idea because

1. I was living on my own 4 hours away from my family

2. I was eating- just not the right things and definitely not enough

3. I blamed the college and work 'stress' on why I wasn't eating

When most people go to college to learn about literally anything besides food, I learned that coffee filled me up for hours. I started abusing coffee and I was using it as my outlet to not eat breakfast, lunch or dinner sometimes. Then it would be 10pm and I would eat any type of junk I could get my hands on. This only fed my anxiety more, which led me into depression because I was so worried about going out and not eating in front of people that I would blow off plans with people constantly; I blew off more dates than I can count, stay in my bed all day and just watch Netflix because I felt safe and comfortable doing that. Then in 2016 I was so sick every single day and having panic attacks at work that I finally decided to seek help.

By help, I mean I went to some random Instacare right before my birthday and was told that I was so underweight that I had to be flagged as anorexic.

I truthfully had never paid attention to my weight during this time, the only time I knew I was extremely thin was when I would post a picture on Social Media and my grandma would call my mom telling me that I was anorexic and then my mom would call me and I would have to explain myself, even though I didn't even know what to say besides the fact that I am always sick, and that was true so I didn't feel as though I had a problem with food.

So this doc drops this HUGE bit of anorexia info on me, but he does not give me a single bit of helpful information. Nothing on eating disorders, who to see if you are struggling, literally NOTHING. He did not ask me any questions regarding my health in any other way, or if I am being safe with myself. He literally just pushed on my stomach and asked if I had any pains. He then just sent me on my way with a prescription for Xanax (because I had previously had a couple panic attacks) after that. I was completely devastated and I went home bawling uncontrollably, and had to get ready to go on a weekend getaway with Deejay for my birthday. I locked myself in the bathroom before and cried more than I ever have, composed myself and didn't say anything to Deejay about the appointment because I was embarrassed I had let myself get to this point.

I didn't know what to do.

I went and filled the perception for Xanax because I thought if it was prescribed to me then it must work, and I knew that going to Vegas was going to be extremely hard because I had no comfortable space to escape to.

I still had no idea I was suffering with anxiety.

I took one Xanax that weekend and was so dizzy I couldn't even stand in the casinos. It was a horrible experience and I threw those babies away as soon as I could. This trip was some of the worst food anxiety I have had to date. I won't go into details because its long and unnecessary, but after this trip I told one of my closest friends about what was happening (not about the anorexia diagnosis) and she took me to see her doctor when I got back.

At this doctor she accompanied me and was my family away from my family which I so desperately needed. This doctor had me do all sorts of tests like a scope to check my stomach, I ate gluten free for a week to see if I had Celiacs and if that was why I was so sick and every single test came back negative. I was completely medically fine. On one appointment I was just sitting in his chair crying because I was so sick of feeling sick every single day and missing out on so many things because of it and I was just exhausted.

He looked at me and said something along the lines of "I think you are struggling with anxiety. You may not need to see a doctor like me, but one that specializes in mental health". Not once did he mention anorexia or any other type of eating disorder.

So I did.

I made an appointment with a local therapist and I went to her a couple times and my anxiety had already subsided (like it always does, for a short amount of time before it comes back with a vengeance). I thought she had cured me! I was eating somewhat normally again (restaurants were still an issue), I was able to go out and not be afraid of everything around me.

Then I got pregnant.

I had to start eating a balanced diet and it was really hard at first.

I went grocery shopping every week and snacked throughout my days so that I could nourish the baby inside me.

I was still silently struggling with eating and the anxiety that accompanies pregnancy in general during this time, but I was okay and I was gaining consistent weight.

But I was doing this for my baby, and I knew there was going to be a time where I would go downhill again.

I now know that I was struggling with anxiety so bad that it was making every single day a living hell for me. I do not have anorexia or another diagnosed eating disorder, but I do have disordered eating that stems from my anxiety and depression and it gets worse in certain situations, around certain foods and in certain places. Every single day could completely change at the drop of a hat. I still have anxiety in restaurants and with eating in general, but feeding Mia and getting to make her meals has helped me. I am going back to therapy to get myself more on track, and your girl is going to be

better than ever!

Your mental illness does not describe you. Most people have no idea that my anxiety was and is so bad because I never talk about it, which is not good. Please seek help if you are struggling. It really does help.

I love you all! Feel free to ask me any questions regarding eating disorders(I now have a lot more knowledge about all of them), disordered eating, anxiety, depression or any mental illness related thing!

-Talia 

20 years and counting

I'm twenty years old and getting married.
All I ever hear living in Utah is "When's the big day?" and when I tell them it's a year away, they automatically go blank and ask why I'm waiting so long. I don't think people in this state even comprehend that not everyone is LDS and can plan a whole wedding in less than two months. I'm not in any rush to get married(I actually am because I am SO excited), and long engagements are actually so important, and, so is my bank account. ;)

I'm not judging anyone who gets married super quick because we all know why they are, and that's none of my/anyone else's business. I just can't comprehend how you get to know someone in three short months. My fiance and I have been living with each other for over six months and are still getting to know each other and how to work well with our differences. I've read so many blog posts about how moving in with someone is such a hard adjustment, but I honestly didn't think it was at all. It definitely made our relationship stronger in the long run. Yes we have arguments and yes the house isn't always clean, but we are doing the best that we can and I think it' working rather nicely.  Plus, there is no better feeling than waking up every morning next to the person you love.  I just would hope that one day when I tell someone when our date is, they just congratulate me instead of asking why I am waiting so long because I am only twenty years old and we really haven't been together for that long. 

I remember before I left for my freshman year of college, my mom was telling me that I was going to get married. It wasn't because we are devote Mormons, but because she just somehow knew. Mom's always seem to know. I kept denying it and denying it because in my heart, I honestly did not even think I would be in a serious relationship at this point in my life. I was planning on moving to college and partying, making all sorts of new friends, and having the best time of my life while being single. In high school, I was in a relationship the entire time up until a month before my senior year ended and that is my biggest regret. It wasn't because I was treated bad by my boyfriend or anything like that, I just lost all of my friends from only hanging out with him, I never went to any basketball or football games or even any activities after school because he didn't want to, and I completely secluded myself from anything or anyone that wasn't my said boyfriend.
Why did I do this? I felt my worth was defined by the love that I was getting from him and only him, and I learned to stop loving myself in the process. So when we broke up, I was left completely alone and even more confused on who I was as my own person. I was only seventeen years old at that point, and I was going off to college as someone who didn't even recognize herself in the mirror.

College wasn't much different than high school, honestly. I did some crazy things, some of which I am not proud of, and I feel like I got everything out of my system in just one semester pretty much. When I look back at it now, I did these things because of how I perceived myself. I absolutely hated myself and the things I was doing was making that hate grow stronger. It surprisingly took a boy to help me realize that I am worth more than I am giving myself credit for, and he taught me not only how to love myself, but also how to love him deeper and better as well. That is one reason that I don't even feel like twenty years is that young to be getting married. I always forget that I'm only twenty years old, actually. I've successfully completed three years of college( I have nothing to show for it because of the amount of credits I take a semester lol stop asking me when I am going to graduate), I have my own town home and pay for it myself, I am completely independent, and I have two jobs out of choice. So I personally don't think I am doing too bad for a twenty year old girl.

Now on another note, I have nothing against people who aren't going to school or are still living with their parents. If you personally think that you are doing good in life, then that is all that matters. Don't let anyone tell you that you're too young to be doing something or that you haven't accomplished enough yet. If you can get yourself out of bed every single day and start your day, then props to ya. Feel accomplished for that. Even the smallest of accomplishments matter. Just don't forget to love!


taliajune

Love yourself

We all jam out to JB's 'Love Yourself' every day at least once (don't lie, I know that you do), but this post isn't going to be about Justin's beautiful face and flawless hair. Sorry, my fellow little Beebs. 

All over social media I see things such as 'before anyone can love you, you need to love yourself first' and how important self love is. I have some conflicting thoughts about this sense of entitlement, but by all means..... love yourself everyday. 

First of all, I personally feel like you need someone else to show you the love and appreciation that a person deserves. I don't know about you guys, but I don't wake up every morning and think 

"Damn I look good! I don't need no man!"

Buuuut, some of us do and that's totally awesome. Like mad props to you girlfriend, your contour is on point. Then there are the people like me, who need the constant reassurance that a significant other can give to you to be able to even being loving yourself.

1. You can't tickle your own back, but your boyfriend can and that is love all around for everyone.

2. The way you see yourself is completely different from the way someone else sees you. When you look in the mirror and see the troll that lives underneath the bridge, someone else looks at you and sees beauty in every form and loves every flaw that you unfortunately have to offer.

3. My love language is touch, and even the smallest thing such as our arms touching while we are watching stupid indie movies (that actually aren't stupid) and holding hands can make me feel like I'm worth something to someone.

4. Staying up all night, talking about anything and everything, getting to know a person inside and out; you can't do that by yourself. I mean you could, but you'd look a little odd and you wouldn't get anywhere.

5. Leaving work and knowing that there is someone up waiting for you, is literally the best feeling in the world and it's so much better than coming home to an empty house and a bag of Cheetos.

What I am trying to say is that being single is awesome, yes, but loving someone while you are also learning to love yourself is even better. Like when you are single you don't have to worry about another person constantly, you can do whatever you want to whenever you want to, and you save a whole lot of money, but 

you build yourself from other people.

Look at it this way:

Everyone you have ever come in contact with, has changed your life in someway.

Every experience you have ever had has shaped you into the person you are today.

Every thought and feeling you've had shapes your actions and the way you act and treat others around you.

I believe that you aren't able to even know how to love yourself when you don't know how to love another person. 

We all accept the love we think we deserve, and I believe that is why everyone is saying that you need to love yourself first, and I completely get that, but I also feel like there are a hundred other factors that play a part in the type of love someone emits and receives.

Loving yourself is a huge thing in everyone's life, but giving all your love to someone else unconditionally is an even bigger thing. We may think that we are all chill and cool with ourselves, but you honestly won't even be able to fathom how amazing of a thing it is to give all your love to someone and watch it build them up entirely. That is what I call love.

church and state

It's been a hot minute, but I honestly couldn't find anything to write about for months and months; until today.

Here I am, just sitting in my social work class and we start talking about Social Work in Rural Areas. For some odd reason, the LDS religion came up; how it always seems to in any setting in Utah, even when it doesn't apply to whatever is being said. I was just straight chillin', and my professor decided that he wanted to call on me and put me on the spot.

He asked me about my religion.

I honestly don't mind talking about it, because it doesn't bother me that I'm not Mormon in an extremely conservative state because I know who I am and who I am striving to be and it doesn't involve being in any type of religion, but it does bother me in this situation because I'm one of three non-Mormons out of the whole class, including the professor. I proudly told everyone that I was raised in an LDS household, but different circumstances and experiences made me choose to be inactive; and that's totally okay. 

I could see the judgmental stares of the other girls in the class, because obviously just looking at me (septum piercing and little baby wrist tattoo), it's no secret that I'm not a Mormon. One girl pipped up and told us about her mission, and how this is the only true church, and I couldn't help but think, aren't we supposed to keep church and state separate? I signed up for this class because it's something that I'm interested in, not because I wanted to be put on the spot about a religion that I may or may not be apart of. Ever since Elementary School, teachers have been stressing about how we need to keep church and state separate, but yet ever since Elementary school, the Mormon religion has always been brought up in school lessons.

I may look like a badass(;)), but I honestly am far from it. That being said, I'm also not a bad person just because I don't go to church every Sunday. That girl on her mission, she did changed lives, and that is the main reason that she went on that mission in the first place. I get that, I really do. I know that there are good people out there, who may or may not be Mormon or a religion whatsoever 

and that's totally okay. 

In fact, my best friend happens to be LDS and she's one of the most understanding, non-judgmental people I've ever met in my life. 

But there are also people who have been pushed away from their religions because of bias and negativity inside those doors, just how I have been.

It honestly doesn't matter what religion you are, it matters what kind of person you are.

If anyone knows me, they know that I almost never go out of my way to make a point of what I am thinking. I'm more of a "I'll just sit back and listen to everyone and nod my head in agreement even if I don't", but today, for some reason, I just couldn't hold back on this particular subject. I then told the class that being a certain religion doesn't define a person or what they can offer. Someone may believe in different things than you do, but you can still like that person. Things were starting to get heated, the three of us 'Satan worshipers' between the rest of the class. My professor finally decided that he should step in and keep things on the DL, and he said "Do you all see how you feel? You don't feel judged at all, you feel good and warm inside." I mean, I beg to differ, but who am I to try and change the minds of people who don't want them to be changed?

It is hard to not be Mormon in Utah.

-Talia 

Chasing Life

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A day in the life

A day in the life of a normal college student isn't aways what people think. Since I am currently attending Dixie State, the 'party school' of Utah, everyone just assumes that I am waking up on the floor of a different apartment every day and pouring Vodka into my water bottle before leaving to class.

In reality, it couldn't be any more different.

I moved down to St. George almost a month early to make more money for the upcoming semesters and I was hoping that I would make some new friends (which I actually have done, don't freak out), and not to party every weekend.

For one, I've never once woke up in a random apartment unaware of what happened the night before nor have I had any regrets from nights prior. So either I am doing college wrong or I am doing college very right. Dixie, your expectations are not being held up by me very well and I would like a refund. I prefer to spend my nights with random German boys that I met at your local Chuck a Rama at Dixie Rock talking about techno music and bikes, okay?

For two, I spend 80% of my time at the laundromat. Some kids are turning up and like, going to the lake or something, but I'm stealing the free wifi at the laundromat to watch Parenthood all while washing my clothes. The laundromat is a very interesting time. Dust storms start up in the middle of the floor, random men with inside out socks come in and sit right next to you while having a full-on conversation to himself, and half the washers are ALWAYS out of order.... but I'm there every other day, obviously living it up. Why go to a lame party when I can order pizza from next door and watch a dust storm indoors?

For three, I think I have maybe been to three college parties since I've been here for almost two years. All the parties either get shut down by the cops; which I'm not about that 'running from the cops' life and getting arrested, or they just suck and you sit on a random couch in a random house with maybe one person you've ever met before and hope that their cat walks by so that you can pet it, steal it, name it Guacamole and let it sleep in your bed. So this whole 'party school' situation, is rather an unfortunate lie that people make up to seem cool.

For four, no one pours Vodka into water bottles. Like that is definitely not a thing and if you actually do that, you have serious problems. Get your life together, homeboy and start drinking some water. Because it is free, and Vodka isn't. Your liver will thank you.

For five, whenever I go to the library on campus, it is always hoppin', so obviously people are going to class and studying, even though it is Dixie State. If I can't find a computer to do my homework on, then I should be rather proud of my school. Thanks for going to class and having motivation, but I really actually need your computer so leave. 

and finally, six. If you want to party, then you are going to party. You will find all the best ones and maybe even become the 'average Dixie student'. But, if you don't come here just to party, then this is actually a great school to attend. It's extremely cheap, in the best part of Utah and the professors really actually care about you here. You can find a party at literally any college. Like, come on. It's college. Even someone at BYU is turning up behind their chastity door in their apartment. No one hides out in their rooms and studies all day. It all just depends on your mindsets and goals. I'm not saying that if you party you are a terrible person and have nothing going for you, because you really may and just like to let loose a little bit. I've met some really great people who enjoy getting drunk every other day, and I would never judge them for that. 

So let's all stop hating on Dixie, and just come visit me because I don't have wifi right now and I'm becoming rather bored these days. 

taliajune;

I'm 19 and I...

All these posts these days are about "what you need to know in your twenty-somethings", but what about us who aren't 20 or something? We still want to know some things, around here.

I went to college, and I experienced things that I never would have thought. I lost some friends, but then I gained some really good ones as well, and nobody navigated me through that.

So what should us '19 or somethings' need to know?

Well number one, you're only 19, so really, we are like the babies of the adult world, so if you have no clue what's going on, I also accidentally put the orange juice away in the cupboard instead of the fridge, so don't even worry.

Number two, if someone has to claim how kind they are, don't trust them or their said 'kindness'. Having to claim that you're kind is only showing that you are doing these said 'nice things' to get praise, not gratitude. So these people aren't kind at all and probably are the ones who steal your fries when you turn around to look at those cute shoes (that actually are $50, so you don't need them). 

Number three, dancing in your room in your underwear after you finish up your week of homework is completely, beyond okay. Keep twerking it out to the new JB song, homegirl.

Number four, if a boy doesn't want to let everyone know how lucky he is to be with you, you drop him. Just kick that boy right off your Snapchat list. You don't deserve someone who isn't extremely proud to call you theirs and show you off, and even though it's extremely hard, Betos is open 24 hours, and they don't ignore your texts.

Number five, buying four boxes of root beer float flavored popsicles while grocery shopping is a completely normal thing, especially if they are on sale. Buy eight, if you really want to, and then share them with me because mine are most likely gone.

Number six, $4 lattes literally add up to like, over a thousand dollars a year, so bring your exhausted self to your local Wal-Mart and buy a $20 coffee maker. While you are at it, teach me how to do that as well because I drop money on coffee like it's my day job.

Number seven, partying and going out every weekend isn't good on you, your reputation or your body. I'm not saying that going to a party every once in a while is bad, but you also can't be that person who uses the "but I was drunk!" excuse, because guess what, being drunk isn't an excuse to a. ruin your life or someone else's and b. make stupid decisions.

Number eight, you can try and live vicariously through all 11 seasons of Grey's Anatomy and pretend you are Meredith Grey, but really, you are a 19 year old who has to do her own laundry and eat leftover pasta for dinner and not a general surgeon. On the bright side, next month you can pretend to be Naomi and that you live in Beverly Hills on 90210. The possibilities are endless!

Number nine, don't ever let anyone tell you that going to Target is a bad idea. You may not have a whole ton of money to blow, but there is a section that sells awful, flashy socks for only a dollar and if that isn't a day-brightener, than I don't know what is.

Number ten, never forget to make someones day. I've made it a goal of mine to always compliment someones outfit and/or any other thing about/or on them. Nobody is like "omg some girl just told me my shirt was cute. ew. I'm never wearing it again." They will most likely burst into their moms room at 11 pm and tell her how nice some girl at Chuck a Rama was, and wear that shirt for four days straight and even sleep in it. So not only does that brighten someone else's day, but you may find out where they got it and find yourself on a shopping spree the next day, and who doesn't enjoy that?

Finally, number 11, if you want to be a fire fighter one day and a fashion blogger the next, that's okay. Everyone is struggling to find their inner person and what they want to be when they grow up. You may say "grow up? we are already grown up?" but no. We aren't. We are only 19, we definitely aren't grown up yet.

Characters.

So since I'm still trying to decide what to major in, and I took this awesome education class, we had to write an essay on Character Education and whether or not it should be taught to students.

First of all, why is this even a question!?

Maybe I just feel rather strong about this particular address, but seriously, people. Do you even know how many people I have met that could have benefited from just a small hour of Character Education back in high school?

I had the fantastic privilege that my parents taught me to not discriminate, befriend anyone who looks like they need one, and just be a kind, accepting, not an a-hole person in general. Some people, unfortunately weren't raised how I was, and we can't necessarily blame them.

Here is my thought process: 

You learn SO much during school. Not only on the education spectrum, but on your own personal level as well. You are spending a whole day practically with other kids who are going through a million things that you have no idea about. You don't know why that girl wears the same shirt everyday; maybe she doesn't have any other means to get another one. You don't know that the boy who sits alone at lunch has severe social anxiety, and when you do find that out, why would you tease them about it? These are things that they can't help.

I've decided that the kids who have to tear down others to get to the top, are the kids who in their home life, are treated the same way. They've been raised that way or they haven't been raised at all.

Honestly, middle school is the worst. It's the time when you are finding yourself and going through all sorts of other changes, and it's also when bullying plays the biggest factor. I wasn't necessarily 'bullied', but I do know someone who was, and seeing her struggle everyday, was the hardest thing I've had to do. If there was only a class, just for an hour a day, that gave kids a reason to only point out the good in people and how to treat your fellow peers.

In this day and age where social media plays such a prevalent part in our lives, I feel like bullying has gotten worse because you can do it without even looking at the person. The other day I saw this tweet that said "If you don't like being cyberbullied, just turn the computer off. LOL." 

Umm, no. It's not that easy.

You may be able to turn the computer off, but everyone has already seen it, including you, and it's already put a tear in your self-esteem, and when you go to school the next day, you know that's what everyone is whispering about. In most cases, I feel like it also gets worse when you 'ignore' it, like all your teachers and parents say to. They don't know what those words are doing to you and making you feel. They have no idea.

This summer I read this book called 'Thirteen Reasons Why". It was the most enlightening, but yet dark, book I've ever read. This girl has thirteen reasons why she committed suicide, and the thirteen people who made her do it, makes tapes of why, and sends them to the people, just so they can get a feel of what she felt like, the feelings that made her take her own life. The thing I noticed the most in this book is the fact that they DID have a type of Character Education class, where as she was in there, she did feel like she mattered, even for a little while. 

But, sometimes that isn't enough.

You can only teach people so much, and just hope they bring those teachings into normal society with them and use them to their fullest extent. 

I make it a goal of mine everyday to compliment at least three people. Not only does this act make me feel better as a person, I hopefully brightened someone else's day(and found out where I can get some cute clothes from). 

If I do end up becoming a teacher, I will make it my everyday desire to make every student that walks into that door, feel like they matter and are cared for. I don't care if my future students don't take anything else away from my class than to treat people how they would want to be treated.

taliajune;

___ days.

I don't know if it's just me, but I think it is absolutely crazy that January is already pretty much half way over. Before I know it, it'll be time to take naps by the pool instead of cuddled up in a cheetah blanket while trying to avoid any human interaction with my roommates.

I've been feeling extra nostalagic these days, which really sucks because I love St. George and everything it has to offer, but it just isn't what I was expecting at all and I still have about four more months to go until I can start another chapter in my life. When I think about everything I've already experienced, it makes me feel a little better, especially when I think about the month I'm in, in general.

In honor of it being the sixteenth of January and I really didn't have a 'resolution', but then I realized that it's been sixteen days since I've had McDonalds or any type of fast food in general(besides Del Taco, but those tacos have my heart and I'm not going to stop going), which is a really bad thing to be happy about, but here I am, not eating chicken nuggets, with half of a resolution sixteen days later.

On the fifteenth day of January, I decided I wanted to try new things; things to make myself a better person mentally and physically. I went for a run, did some squats and today, with the most sore legs possible, I don't understand what I was thinking. I even ate a salad instead of pizza and am planning on going on a little hike tomorrow morning. It's actually kind of amazing how ideas that you carry out can make you feel better. (My idea of 'morning' is like, noon, so we still haven't gotten better at waking up just yet, and an update on if the hike even happened or not should be in order.)

On Wednesday the fourteenth, after I did a whole lot of nothing good pertaining to my life and drank more iced coffee that any human should, I decided that when I move back up north this summer, I'm going to find the cutest apartment in the middle of downtown Salt Lake and decorate it how I've always wanted to. I love my mom and living with her, don't get me wrong, but do you even know how hard it would be going from living by yourself for a year to having rules to abide by again? Hopefully my new roommate up there knows how to do dishes and like to adventure.

I came to college to find my 'path of life' and here I am, two semesters in and I still have absolutely no idea what I want to do for my career. I took an education class and as the thirteenth rolled around and it was my first day of that class, I had already signed up to go prospect a special education class before the semester ends and I'm actually super stoked. If you know me, you know that my heart belongs to all the down syndrome kids and I watch entirely too much Criminal Minds in my free time. Maybe this experience will give me at least an idea of what I want my future to look like.

Everyone was freaking out about their second semester starting and so here comes Monday the twelfth, the first day, and I had a yoga class. Just one class... and it is yoga. I don't know if I'm just really doing this whole college thing right, but Monday morning yoga sounds like I know my stuff. Have fun, everyone else! I'm going to be finding my inner self and then taking a nice nap.

I've been thinking about what I need as a person a lot and on Sunday the eleventh, I decided I've been doing a lot of things I'm not proud of. As an eighteen year old girl, I go to people with every intent that they want to build me up as a person and genuinely get to know me, like how I want to with them. More than I'd like to admit, these experiences leave me feeling worse than I did before they happened; stumbling over the guilt of the terrible person I believe myself to be. Going back to Sunday, that was the day that I realized I'm the only one who can change what I don't like, and it's almost Sunday again, and now I'm realizing what a long process it is going to be, but I'm not going home with regret and remorse anymore, no matter who or what I lose in the process.


On a brighter note, I started reading again and I forgot how much I love books.


taliajune;

Who cares?

By the sound of the title for this post, you are probably expecting another angry college rant, and I just unfortunately got my first speeding ticket, so I do have something to rant about, but, I'm just not feeling those angry feelings tonight.

Let's start from the beginning.

So here I am, just chilling with one of my friends, and somehow our conversation gears towards looks. It's no secret that I struggle with acne, and that seems to bother me more than most people. I stated that fact and my friend said "Your acne isn't even bad compared to some other people." Which I know is true, but then he decided to throw in "if I were you, I would be more worried about your teeth. You'll have everything going for you when you get those fixed." 

I know what you are thinking; what an a-hole thing to say, but to me, it's really not.

Yeah, it sucks when someone points something out to you that you know you struggle with, and my teeth are all sorts of messed up, but right now, I don't have the means to fix that particular part of me, so why should I let it bother me when there is nothing I can do about it?

I mean, I should be thankful that he pointed it out, but then backed it up with a 'compliment' of some sort. In all honesty, he probably didn't realize what he was saying, and I'm not blaming him for anything, but I'm also not saying that I completely brushed it off like I sounded like I did. 

At work tonight, I noticed myself smiling without showing teeth, which I never do because that makes my cheeks look a little deformed, like the Joker or something. Subconsciously, it was most likely from that comment, which actually really sucks because I've been complimented multiple times how nice of a smile I have and to never stop smiling. 

So why am I hiding my insecurity from people who may not even care about it?

The people who gave me those compliments were senior citizens who enjoy buffets, so their eye sight may have been going out, but smiles are the one thing I always notice first when I meet people, not their teeth.

On Twitter, all I see are "good teeth are a must in my future spouse!" 

Liiiiiiiike, all you want is someone with good teeth? Yeah, they are certainly a plus, but I have met plenty of people with flawless teeth who have less than decent personalities. If you are only looking at people for their looks, then you actually deserve someone like that. I want to find someone that holds me up as a person. Someone who loves me for what I have inside, not what I look like on the outside. 

I know how cliche this sounds, but just bear with me for a minute. 

At work again tonight, there was a mentally ill man in the section next to mine. By mentally ill, I mean he was in his late 40's, but was acting like he was two or three. I personally love mentally ill people, so his behavior didn't bother me at all, but I did notice that neighboring customers were looking at the family with annoyance and other customers coming into the restaurant would avoid sitting close to them at all, and I just don't understand the ignorance some people have.

Maybe that's what this whole thing is; an ignorance problem.

Those people were looking at that man like he was lower than them, like he wasn't good enough. That's what I thought when that comment was said to me. I wasn't good enough because my teeth are a little crooked. 

But you know what? I don't want to be 'good enough'. 

I know that I am me, no matter what. That man I saw earlier payed no attention to anyone around him. He is one of the happiest men I've seen in a while, and even told me to have a great night and to be happy. (He actually screamed it at me, but that's okay.) I want to be as happy as that man is, and that means not caring what other people are going to think about me, and just being the best me. 

I may get my teeth fixed one of these days, but that's not going to change the person I am. 

Hi, I'm Talia and even though I have acne, watch way too much Netflix and have some teeth that aren't even close to being straight, I'm still cool and you should still try and get to know me.

taliajune;

Just because.

I know how much we all love cliche 'new year new me' posts, and as much as I love hearing about how you are going to become a better person, that you graduated high school and started college, read what you did all of 2014 on Instagram and that you are going to stop drinking Mountain Dew or something, I really actually hate it. (We all know you are still drinking the Mountain Dew anyways.)

I am going to say, though, that 2014 was quite a year, and I have thought about a lot that happened and the person those experiences have made me become.

2014 made me realize that just because...

you have your first heartbreak, it won't be your last and it honestly really isn't a big deal.

you get a tattoo(or three), you aren't a terrible person.

you don't live at home anymore, family should always be your first priority.

you have a plethora of cat socks, you aren't classified as a crazy cat lady just yet.

you turn 18, you aren't an adult.

you mess up, doesn't make you a terrible person and your life is definitely not over.

you have extra spending money, probably don't buy Iceberg shakes every other day.

you get feelings for your first college guy, he probably isn't the one for you.

you had sex, you aren't a slut.

you didn't like that girl in high school, you are going to become friends and realize that high school was just a competition of who can hate each other the most for no reason.

you have severe acne, you aren't less of a person.

you graduated high school, life doesn't magically become easier.

you watch The Kardashians every Sunday, you'll unfortunately never become one.

St. George has two coffee shops, you don't have to go to each one every day.

you have new-found freedom, don't take advantage of it and be smart.

you are in a new place, don't let that fear hold you back; embrace it and start new.

you cut your hair, you are still the same person.

everyone else around you is change, be true to yourself.

you drink alcohol, you aren't cool and shouldn't drink just because you think you are.

you have to grocery shop by yourself, you don't have to buy Pizza Rolls every. single. time.

shirts with funny sayings are always on sale, it is possible to have too many.

you only knew each other for a short amount of time, you'll be best friends for life.

the world is full of closed-minded, you can open yours.

society believes you should be someone different, you should be who you want to be.

Victoria's Secret models are really getting it, they probably aren't even real people.

you are limited, the world needs to be explored.

you have one bad day, your whole life isn't terrible.

your dreams may seem far-fetched, keep aiming towards them. No matter what.

Now, in all reality, since there are nine seasons of Criminal Minds to go through, my past year was spent in my bed with Netflix, I wouldn't change one experience I've endured for anything. I wouldn't want to be anyone different than who I am. (except maybe Blake Lively. Who wouldn't want to be her?) 

Since it's 2015, and if I cared enough to write the date on my papers I'd still be writing 2014, I'm hoping that this year has a lot more in store for me, because I'm ready.

taliajune;

Hell week.

I'm sure everyone is really looking forward to me complain about college some more, so I'm here to make your dreams come true. ;)

Two words:

Finals week.

"Oh, but Talia, you've had months to prepare for this week in your life. Why are you stressing?"

Well, let me tell you real quick.

For one, I suck at anything school related, so since I'm just kind of hanging on by a thread, these tests aren't the business in my life. For two, I started out the week hearing that combat boots are now considered the Aeropostale of shoes, and this is concerning because I literally love combat boots and in fact wore some today. This situation needs to be figured out soon, because certain skirts need those babies. For three, I have to listen to classical music to really concentrate on my math, and that's embarrassing because I'm sure my roommates don't necessarily love piano solos. Fourth, I'm writing this post so I'm not obviously doing what I should be aka studying or aka killing myself. For five, I've gotten into a bad habit(since Friday) where I go to bed at three am-ish and wake up around noonish. This isn't working out for me because I waste my whole day away and my final tomorrow is at 8 am, so I can't sleep through that bad boy. For six, I made a goal for myself the beginning of the semester that I wanted at least an 80% on my math final, and that's reaching for the stars at this point. Like, seriously, what was I thinking? Anyone want to pretend to be Talia for a couple hours? For seven, I went to the local polygamist community today and they don't even have to go to school after 8th grade, so they aren't even stressing like I am right now. They're just chillin', braiding each others hair. Eighth, once I leave the class or take the test, I forget everything I have learned. It's nearly impossible to dig through my brain and blow the dust off all my prior learnings. For nine, all I can really think about right now is McDonalds. For ten, my two best friends are officially out of my Dixie life next semester; actually in the next three days and it makes me really upset, thus making me not able to concentrate as well as I should be.

So you could say I'm slightly stressing. Feel free to drop a truck load of Pizza Rolls and coffee to apartment two. 

Okay, maybe I'm being dramatic. Finals week isn't all bad... when I really really think about it.

I mean, my finals aren't till tomorrow, so I have almost two days of stress free living. 

My neighbors decided to clean their absolutely disgusting apartment and even though I don't live there, I felt some stress lifted off my shoulders. 

I use the right 'your' and 'there' in real-life text message sentences, so my English final is going to be caaaaake.

The satisfaction of finishing my first semester of college is going to be hard to beat.

My roommate is extremely occupied with her own finals, that she isn't bothering me with herself or her hamster.

I took some cute pictures with some really cute friends so we can look back and remember our sanity.

There is always some type of free food on campus and I love free food.

If you don't see me in a couple days, it's because finals got me. God bless.

taliajune;

One down, one more to go.

In a week, I'll be officially finished with my first semester of college, which completely blows my finals-filled mind. It seems like just a week ago I was posing in front of my door, by the garbage bag with my Capri Sun and yogurt, headed off to my first class.
I'm sure somewhere in the past I wrote a post about what I've learned during my stay here in sunny St. George, and I'm about to do the same thing, but a 'first semester' addition.

In the past four months of college I have learned:
Roommates are not necessarily meant to be your best friends. (Except for one. You need just one good one.)
Not everyone enjoys cleanliness as much as you do.
I live in the trashy of student housing.
Your neighbor can get arrested for stealing someone else's dirty clothes.
McDonalds will always be delicious, no matter how bad it is for you.
Denny's every morning of the weekend with leftover make up on is in fact, not frowned upon.
You won't completely have a life, no matter how hard you try to.
It's better to just park in the very back of the Target parking lot. There won't be one up front. (That's probably better, because then you have a little walk to work those Pizza Rolls off.)
Math homework= Netflix 90% of the time.
Netflix, I'm positive, was made for college students.
Taking 8 and 9 am classes is such a Freshmen thing to do.
I don't know what I hate more; buying a scantron every time or taking the actual test.
BSing your homework will most likely give you a better grade than if you actually try.
Dryers can be broken for more than two months.
Coffee becomes water some days.
Girlfriends are very rare and should be cherished.
Best friends become your family away from home.
Not every attractive guy will treat you how you deserve to be treated. (Thanks a lot, movies.)
You can fight with roommates through sticky notes.
Walking to school isn't as fun as it was the first week.
My couch was bought at the DI.
Saturday mornings are sometimes worse than Monday's.
Weekends home are such a nice refreshment.
College isn't at all like how it is on the movies and tv shows.
One, can indeed, live off Pizza Rolls.
2am becomes the new 10pm.
Missing class once starts an unhealthy trend for the future.
and finally, the most important thing I have learned is that

I love college and the experiences I've had so far.

Yes, maybe I have ran into a couple a-holes along the way and maybe done something I'm not proud of, but at the end of the night, in between stressing about what I have to do the following day, I remember that those bad experiences are shaping me into the person I have become, and making me a stronger version of myself. 

You need a bad time to be grateful for the good ones, and the good ones are what we live for.

taliajune;

ps. It's finals week, so pray for my little soul. rip.

Chai Tea.

99% of the time, I absolutely hate Mondays; like the rest of the world. For some odd reason, I actually enjoyed this Monday. I'm not entirely sure why, though. I woke up super late, went to the bank twice with a pounding headache and literally spent hours doing math homework that I wasn't even behind on. (There is no better satisfaction than the feeling of being completely caught up on math homework. Buying new bras comes close, but not quite close enough.) 

If anyone knows me, you know how much I love coffee and I even turned that down today. 

So why was my Monday so great, you ask?

Well first of all, I shouldn't be trusted to go grocery shopping. I literally always buy Pizza Rolls, Capri-Suns, and pretzels. Every single trip to Wal-Mart I take. Sometimes I switch it up and buy some rotisserie chicken because I'm too lazy and hungry to buy frozen chicken and cook it, but this last 'Pizza Rolls' trip aka Wal-Mart trip I took, I decided to be domestic and buy some Chai Tea. 

I've forgotten how much I love Chai Tea.

Is it sad that my whole day can be changed by just one cup of Chai Tea? Okay, maybe it was two, but yes. That is sad. 

Here I am, filled up to my eyeballs with math problems and 'invisible numbers' like whatever those are, and I tend to do this thing where I buy something, and it gets pushed into the back of the fridge and I totally forget about it and then it expires. Since it's almost a new year, I'm trying to become a better version of myself, and that means using things before they expire. Even though it's 40 degrees outside, I decide Talia needs some iced Chai as a 'you did a lot of homework' reward. I've got myself some good company in my kitchen tonight with my two best friends, delicious drink and strong conversation.

I'm the kind of person who hates small talk. Talk to me about your life, not just your day or your lunch. I just love listening to how people are molded into who they are today. My conversation tonight was geared towards double-standards.

Why are girls called 'sluts' and 'whores' when they do something, but if a guy does the same thing, he's congratulated by his friends?

What even defines a 'slut'?

Slut is such an awful word. It's up there with 'fag' and I cringe every time it's used. 

Does sleeping with someone make you a slut? Absolutely not. 

So why are we going around calling every girl who has ever had sex, with a boyfriend or not, a slut?

I feel like this is especially prevalent during college. There are girls who are out there flaunting and throwing themselves at guys, but even those girls deep down just want to feel wanted and beautiful, and unfortunately that's how they fulfill those needs, then there are girls who save themselves and don't even look at guys. Why aren't we treating all these girls the same?

My mom has taught me some very insightful things, but the one thing I will always remember that she's told me is; having sex does not make you a slut.

Some people who read this are going to be like "omg, I can't believe your mom would say that!" and I  am sitting here like "why?" You may think it's giving me every reason to go and sleep with anyone, when in reality, it makes me remember that I have standards, and that I'm worth more than just one night. (Like I don't know about you guys, but sometimes I'm pretty funny.) But if it does happen, I shouldn't never look down on myself because of it. This statement is also what makes me not judge anyone for their past experiences. I've been called a slut and whore countless times by a girl who had no reason to say anything to me. I'm a pretty strong girl and I just brushed it off, but at some point, those words really start to get to you and you start feeling extremely worthless and like nothing, and the girl saying that to me, feels satisfied that she's torn me down. Girls can be ruthless, and nobody should have to feel like that. An example of this are teen moms. These poor girls are so looked down on and judged by girls who are doing the EXACT same thing, but just have a little more 'luck', you could say. 

Maybe we should just look at and treat people how we would want to be, and put all our judgements aside for five minutes. We should also stop calling people sluts and whores, because for one, it's nobody else's business and two, who are you to judge anyone else?

taliajune;

ps. Every girl who reads this and has ever been called something degrading, middle finger up to those bitchachos, hair flip and you walk away with your head held high. You're beautiful and deserve the world. Those people trying to get in the way of that, are not worth your time at all. 

What would you change?

One day on good ole Facebook, my mom tagged me in a video that kids and adults say what they would change about themselves. It's probably one of the cutest things I've ever seen. Of course the adults say things that deal with body image such as stretch marks, skin issues and wrinkles, but the kids on the other hands, they have nothing to change about their looks. They want wings, mermaid tails and shark teeth. This video got me thinking.

What would I change about myself if I could?

It's no secret that I have bad skin and absolutely hate that fact and I'm sure my teeth could be a lot straighter. If I was to be in this video, those would be the two things I said, no lie. I'm not one of those selfless girls who is all "I like my body the way it is! :)" and then dance around in some hippie pants on the beach with my natural hair and no-make-up-on face. I'm like every other 18 year old girl that sees the flaws every time she looks in the mirror. 

This has me thinking about another question.

When did we decide we need to change?

The older we get, our bodies start to change, and there is honestly nothing we can do about that, but when did we wake up, look in the mirror and tell ourselves we aren't good enough? Was it when we entered our teen years and felt that every stray hair was the reason the boy in our math class wasn't talking to us or was it when your 'best friend' told you that you weren't pretty enough?

 We aren't going to be young forever, but we are going to be beautiful, and that's something we tend to forget. Who cares if your hips start getting bigger, buy a fabulous pair of jeans and flaunt them. Maybe you start getting some acne; acne doesn't define you, so don't let it hold you back. Then there are stretch marks. Everybody dreads getting them, but everyone is going to get them at some point in their lives. What's so bad about stretch marks? Your body is changing, and that process isn't going to be perfect. 

Nothing looks better on us than confidence does.

Maybe we should start thinking of our 'flaws' as rewards. You endured something, and came out alive, and maybe you got some battle scars along the way. 

Okay, so we can't have mermaid tails and wings. As cool as that would be, we live in reality. (Although, you can buy a mermaid tail on Etsy for around... $400. We are half way there.) 

I believe that's the difference between adults and kids. Kids aren't told no yet. They still believe that anything is possible. Why aren't we all living with that mindset? 

With the media and other girls, we are constantly held up to these standards that aren't even real. We all use the filter on Instagram and magazines? Let's be real, I learned how to crop my face onto a cats on Photoshop, so I know it's possible to change EVERYTHING about a picture.

This post isn't going to make us all love ourselves now. I, personally, am far from that, but why can't we wake up and instead of looking at every flaw, tell ourselves that we are 

beautiful 

and 

ready to conquer the day? 

I promise you, you feel better and more beautiful if you start every day out like that.

I mean, we all are beautiful people, so why aren't we told that more often?

taliajune;

WATCH THIS VIDEO. :) 

http://aplus.com/a/jubilee-project-comfortbale-one-question

Hello November.

I've been struggling to write an essay these past couple of days, which I have no idea why because 1. I love to write, obviously, and 2. It's on something I generally care about. I don't know if I just don't have any motivation because it's school and the semester is almost done, but since I keep getting side-tracked, I decided I should think of what I am thankful for(It is November), instead of what I hate doing at the moment, and share it with the world.

I've worked the past six days this week, and I've honestly dreaded going in every single time. I'm starting to do this new thing where I hate doing the same thing everyday, over and over again. So I just have to suck it up because it is my job and all, and drive my grumpy a to Chuck-a-Rama. Once I get there something happens. Every single time; one of my customers will either give me an amazing compliment on how great I was and that my service was awesome, or someone will go out of their way to ask me what my future plans are and that they're proud of me. I don't even know these people, and they still make me feel awesome about myself and actually care. I'm extremely grateful for the people who strive to make at least one person smile everyday, and I've decided I want to be more like that as well.
Another thing about my job is...that I actually have a job. That's more than a lot of college students and even older adults can say. I may hate and loath going in everyday, but at the end of the night, I'm getting free food(and as a college student, that rocks), and learning responsibility along with making my own money and being independent on myself. I mean, who likes asking their mom for money when you are almost 19?

Another thing I dread doing everyday is waking up at the butt-crack of dawn aka 7(ish) am and walking my freezing cold self to school and walking back home to hours of homework. As I'm practically killing myself over every single math equation my brain fails to remember, I need to try and remember that I'm in college. This isn't supposed to be easy, but it is definitely going to be rewarding by the end. A lot of kids don't have the means to even finish high school, and I've furthered myself to higher education. Plus, math is only for another month or so, then I'm off the hook. That's something to be grateful about.

In order to be writing this right now, I need a chair to be sitting in and a table for my laptop to be sitting on, and all those things, including me, need to be under a roof in a cozy little apartment I just decorated. Lucky for me, I have one of those and even some twinkly lights wrapped around the place to add some character. Since I moved so far away from my parents, and decided I want to pursue life on my lonesome, I'm super happy I have somewhere to live and I'm not the homeless man who bathes on the stairs of the Smith's down the block. I mean, this may be the third week that my dryer has been broken and my roommates don't know what sink is and how water works to wash the dishes, but at least I have the actual means to wash my clothes. We all know how much I love to do laundry.

College is all about making new friends and creating new memories, right? Well truuuue that! I was kind of iffy moving four hours away from everything that I've ever known, but I'm honestly so happy that I did. I'd never want to trade the friendships I've made down here and everything that I've experienced with those people for anything. Some may have turned out good and some may have turned out bad, but the bad days are what shape us into who we are as people, and make us stronger. That sounds really cheesy and a line that should be at the end of a Nicholas Sparks book, but I'm a firm believer that it's true. No one wants to hang out with that person that makes everyone else feel awful just because they are. Be the person that you would want to hang out with and be friends with.

Friends are an important aspect of life, but so is family, and I can't explain how grateful I am for mine. My mom and dad have always been so supportive of me and my decisions, letting me figure out what I want and need, and just being there by my side through everything. When everyone else is doubting me, they are always there to push me to pursue it and not worry about what anyone has to say about it. No words will ever come close to explaining how much they mean to me and how much I love them.
Parents are cool, but sisters are your best friends and maybe a little cooler. I know you can't choose family, but if I could, I'd choose my sisters. It was so hard leaving Tianna because she is my rock. I've always been so used to her being just a few steps away in the other room, ready to go on random downtown drives with me and buying me coffee every other time we go. Even though we live four hours away from each other, we still are constantly on the phone and still know every detail of each others lives. That little girl is one of the best people I've ever met in my life.

Now since I've left you all teary-eyed with my generic gratefulness, I just want to take a moment and say how thankful I am for Pizza Rolls and Hot Pockets. Those bad boys have given me so many meals in just the two short minutes it takes, and they are always on sale at Smith's. They are the real MVP's, and if you ever want to get me a gift, I like Pizza Rolls.


taliajune;

The homeless man.

One random Sunday I had this brilliant idea that I wanted to go for a run. Granted, this was literally way back in the day... aka September and I've maybe ran once since that time. I put on my little Nikes and running clothes, and ran my happy self up to the Smiths. It was getting a little dark, and as I made my way up towards the side of the building, there was this homeless man taking what I'm pretty sure was a 'bath' of some sort on the stairs. He started yelling some type of gibberish at me and it freaked me out slightly, so I kept running and ignored him.

I've seen this little homeless man a couple times since then, and it just gets me thinking about how someone can end up like that. (If I could choose anywhere to be homeless though, it would def be St. George. effect homeless man weather.)
I'm sure when this man was a teenager, he wasn't planning on becoming a hobo and washing himself with Clorox wipes on the stairs of Smith's. Maybe he was just like me, attending college for the first year and having thousands of goals and dreams that he intended to make happen.

We don't know what the future holds and how it will affect us.

I'm not going to lie, college is hard and sometimes I wonder if it's really for me. The only thing that gets me through the hours of homework and hard exams is the fact that if I want to pursue my dreams and become someone that I personally am proud of, and wake up every morning excited to see what they day has in store for me, I need to finish a few math problems and write countless essays and live day to day. 

I'm just here to make a difference in peoples lives.
I don't even care what my life entails me to do, just as long as I made someone feel like they can and hopefully will do whatever they want to do. Make them feel special and cared for.

I'm sure if it comes down to it and I like, work at McDonalds my whole life and still live with my mom when I'm 30,(Hi mom. We'll go shopping and I'll make dinner sometimes.) I'm still kiiiiiind of making a difference... one chicken nugget with sweet and sour sauce at a time. (Sweet and sour sauce packet full of my tears.)

Okay, let's be real. If you see me working at McDonalds in the next couple of years, fill up a sweet and sour sauce packet with your tears, for me, as well, because I really honestly don't want that to happen. I'm wanting to drive my fancy car through the McDonalds drive-thru, and order my chicken nuggets without a worry in the world. (I want to be a teacher, so maybe I won't be having the fanciest of cars.)

I like to eat McDonalds, not work there.

I guess what I am trying to say is that the world and our lives are so unpredictable. We can't live everyday with a plan, because most likely, it's not going to go as planned. Plus, who has time to plan out every last detail in their life? There's Netflix to be watched and cookies to be eaten. (Except lists. We all have time to make a few lists here and there. I love writing lists.)

taliajune;

A letter from Target.

Dear every female on planet Earth,

Hi, it’s me, Target. I know you were just planning to come to me to buy some shampoo and maybe some conditioner, but I got my new fall collection in yesterday and that tan jacket you’ve been dying to have is now 50% off and on the corner of ‘you know you want me’ and ‘I’m not too expensive anymore so you won’t feel guilty buying me’. This is absolutely not me trying to lure you into my building of opportunities and dreams come true, but you know you love the fresh popcorn and soft pretzels on the way out right by the exit. 

Everyone says that you can’t come to me for just one thing. I have everything from cute decorative pillows that you know you don’t need, but they would really make the living room worth living in and The Walking Dead premiere a lot better on Sunday, to groceries so you don’t even have to go to Wal-Mart in your pajamas right after you buy that shower curtain that matches the tile in your friends moms bathroom that you feel like she needs. After that long hard hour of shopping for picture frames with cats on them, you need a coffee break. Conveniently, there is a Starbucks right next to your check-out lane. Who put that there? They are obviously a coffee genius. Everyone can use a Vanilla Latte with their new soap dispenser every once in a while.

Oh, you just passed the workout section. You never had any intention of running, going to the gym because you don’t even have a gym membership or doing a couple sit-ups today, but do you see how cute these shorts are? They would go perfect with this blue shirt that the mannequin is wearing. We’ll just set these bad boys in the basket and check out the clearance rack. This tennis skirt is 30% off? Have you ever played tennis? No? Well today is a good day to start, or maybe tomorrow even. We’ll get the skirt just in case because this sale is hard to beat and it may not be here tomorrow.

I’ve never personally seen your bedroom or bathroom, but I do know for a fact that this cheetah heated blanket throw would look perfect sitting on this chair in the corner of your room. You live in St. George and it’s still 90 degrees outside? That’s okay. For one, after this we will go check out the swims suits and two, you’ll be going home for Christmas and it’s going to be freezing cold. We’ll use it then. Oh my, have you ever seen towels so soft and in such a cute color before? This sign here says they are on sale. These towels are regularly $9.99, but now they are $8.99. That’s a serious steal, let’s grab a couple because honestly, some light pink towels never hurt anybody and at some point you are going to have your own place. I’m sure they will really make the bathroom all come together.

Don’t freak out, but we are almost to your favorite aisle… the shoes. Those army green ankle boots with the cute buckles and zippers on the sides just got fully stocked this morning, and it’s raining outside, so you may want them to keep your feet dry if you decide to go out later tonight and they even match that outfit perfectly. If we walk over to the other side, all the sandals are on sale, even though summer is practically over, there is always next year and what if someone decides to surprise you with a getaway to a beach somewhere? That probably won’t happen, but at least you’ll be prepared and let’s be real here; a girl can never have too many shoes in her closet.

When you aren’t at the Starbucks in the front of the store, you drink coffee at your place. We just got these cute mugs in, and here’s one that has the New York skyline on it. You love New York and coffee, so why not have both? You’ll be the one of your roommates drinking coffee in the cutest mug ever. Oh, and would you look at that, there are these cute place-mats just sitting right by the mugs that match the one you chose out perfectly. I know that probably no one ever uses place-mats anymore besides toddlers, but do you see how cute they are? You need them. You really do. We’ll throw two into the cart in case one of your friends want to use one as well. 

I don’t know if you know this, but I have phone cases for your Iphone. If we come down this electronics aisle, here is this nice smiling teddy bear that is just dying to be the case on your phone. As we are in this aisle, you’re a pretty cool girl, so I’m sure you have pretty good taste in music, music that isn’t on the radio. We’ll just grab this bright pink AUX cord and on the short drive home, you can jam out. Jamming out is totally going to make you hungry, so it’s a good thing we are right next to the groceries.

It’s the best time of the year AKA Halloween time. You won’t be getting any Trick-or-Treaters for another couple of weeks, but there is no harm in just buying the candy now. We’ll also pick up some gum, donuts, Pizza Rolls and just throw in a couple more bags of Halloween candy because it only happens once a year. 

Our cart is pretty full, so we’ll just skip the automative aisle and work our way to the check out. Keep in mind, I do have $5 movies and the dollar section right up that neck of the woods. I know that you’ve been dying for some socks with ghosts and pumpkins on them and Perks of Being a Wallflower. 

Now, who says you can’t shop at Target for just one thing? In all reality, who needs just one thing? Thanks for shopping with me, I’ll most likely be seeing you again in the next couple of days.

Love, your friendly red circle, Target.

Fancy fingernails, lip gloss Barbie.

I feel like I've talked about this topic before, but it really just bothers me, so if I have, it deserves another hurrah.

I don't use the word hate all that often unless I am talking about eggs or carpet that turns your feet black(aka my apartment), but I really just hate people who get everything handed to them.

I understand that some have it better than others, but why wouldn't you want to work for what you have? I feel awkward asking my mom for money or even accepting money that she gives to me, but there are some people who just take the money without a care in the world, and they don't even offer to buy me some Arby's with all that green.

Okay, well we are in college. We have classes to attend to everyday, homework for hours on end, and still try to keep a social life brewing.

Well guess what?

I, Talia June Ybarguen, am taking 13 credit hours, work sometimes seven days a week, and still manage to get my homework in on time and somewhat have a social life on the weekends. 

I'm not saying that to seem all high and mighty, but if I can do it, you can as well.

Also, around this neck of the woods aka St. George, everyone seems to be(or at least act) extremely wealthy. I see kids on campus walking around in their blinged out Rock Revivals and revving their engines of the cars mommy and daddy bought them. I don't know about you guys, but whenever I see a big douche, the thing that alerts me the most is the way they chew their gum. Like, seriously. All the guys with the muscle tanks chomp their gum continuously and just practically scream DOUCHE ALERT. How about you pull up your pants, spit our your cow gum, wipe that smirk off your face and drive your douche bag-y self home to your douche bag-y house. 

Alright, not all humans who wear Rock Revivals are douche bags. I, in particular used to work at Platos Closet and got myself a nice pair of those bad boys for only $40. Although, that was literally three years ago, when it was still cool to wear jewels on my butt. But, you see, I would much rather hang out with a person who has a sense of responsibly and can manage on their own. They know the 'struggle'.

When I was 15, I got a job. Not because I was forced to, but because I was bored and I wanted a lot of things, but didn't want to ask my mom for them. I'm extremely grateful that I did that because I learned a lot from that job. For one, I hated the place and got paid terribly for the amount of work that I was doing, and for two, I became extremely responsible with my money and learned how to save.

If you think about it this way, would you want to marry someone who has never had to work for themselves, never had to clean up after themselves and don't even know how the world works? Or would you want to hire someone like that? I know I sure wouldn't, and we all totally know that person.

My mom is a really cool lady because she taught me how to be independent. She didn't give me the Barbie I cried for when we were walking down the aisle at Wal-Mart and I was being a brat, she never let me act spoiled with what I did have, and she's been the greatest example to me when it comes to hard work and working for what you want. If it wasn't for her, I would probably be out blowing all my cash on coffee and clothes. Oh, wait. ;)

Long story even longer, my children will not wear Rock Revivals, they will not be spoiled little nasties, and they will learn responsibly and hard work.

Sooo future mom award goes to.... 

taliajune;