Earlier today I was going through my clothes to decide what to wear, like we all do literally every single day, and saw some of my shorts. I was thinking, "Now since I am a mom, do I have to retire my short American Eagle shorts and buy some Bermudas or something?" (because that is what everyone is thinking in the middle of Feburary, right?) Then I went to class and we talked about if your choice of clothing is a good way to express your personality and if you express your personality through your clothes without even knowing you are doing so.
Always so weird how things co-exist like this or when you are thinking of something and then see an ad for the same thing on Facebook? I hate that, but anyways.
Always so weird how things co-exist like this or when you are thinking of something and then see an ad for the same thing on Facebook? I hate that, but anyways.
I 100% believe that we as humans express ourselves with what we are given, i.e. clothing choices. So then I started thinking back to this morning and why I thought I needed to change the length of my shorts just because I am a mom now. I am not trying to show off my body or make people want to look at me when I wear shorts, but I wear them because it is hot outside and I am not going to be sweating if I do not have to be. Plus, why is it anyones business if I wanted to wear shorts or pants that day? They didn't buy them and put them on.
The times I have seen this type of judgement happen the most is when I was practicing the LDS religion.
This one time in the 9th grade it was the state-wide Lagoon day or whatever that is. My bff and I wanted to wear shorts that went above the knee (a school dress-code violation) so we were not able to ride the bus with some other students. I won't get into school dress-code because that in itself is a hot mess that I get real worked up about. So, my friend and I got a ride to Lagoon with one of our other really good friends; also LDS. His mom drove us there and they both were acting very strange. Both him and his mom would not look us in the eye and barely talked the whole way there. When we got to Lagoon he told us that his mom is mad at him because he invited girls who were wearing SHORTS in the van. Keep in mind, both my friend and I were LDS and the shorts were just barely above our knees! I thought this was weird, and I just kind of stopped talking to this friend because I felt uncomfortable around him, but it was strange because he didn't do anything that most people think of when they say that they are uncomfortable, but I was because I felt violated and looked down on. He then blocked me on Facebook and various social media accounts after that and we never spoke again.
The summer after that incident happened, I then went to Lagoon with quite a few of my friends. Lagoon obviously had something out for me, I guess. It was literally the middle of July so one of my best friends and I decided we were going to wear tank tops because it was HOT. We had to secretly text each other and plan it because we knew it was a big no-no in our friend group but we wanted to be rebels, I guess. Again, we got a ride with a friends mom and they were acting strange.
But I knew what it was this time.
My friend and I were judged by our other 'friends' and one of their moms because we were wearing tank tops in the middle of July to an amusement park. They texted us while on a different end of the park saying that they were upset about us wearing tank tops. Why? I will honestly never know. My shoulders showing were not bothering anyone else. I was not provocative at 13-14 in a tank top in July.
Even now when I think of this I get frustrated. I was Mormon a majority of my life. Not the greatest Mormon by any means, but I did love the religion for a hot minute. But, I was always trying to be better for other people and never myself. I did not think for myself. I did what the church told me I should be doing to be 'worthy'. I picked friends based on their choice of church. I did not wear what I wanted to because it was
A. Not modest enough for the religions standards; even in SUMMER.
B. I was taught that the woman in the family is the caregiver, homemaker and is to be making babies and staying home with those babies.
My mom has always been a working mom and I felt like that what they were saying couldn't be right because my mom worked and she was still an amazing mom. It did not make sense to me at all.
and C. I feared relationships of any type. I was not taught in church how to have a healthy relationship with your spouse. I was told that any type of sexual feeling was a sin and that sex is saved for marriage (which that is not the problem) and to only be enjoyed by a man and his wife and that it is meant to procreate. If it weren't for my mom teaching us actual sex-ed, this view could have been skewed for me for a long time.
The people that I chose to surround myself with during these years were toxic to me. I was pretending to be someone that I wasn't, and when I was slowly becoming myself, they stopped talking to me and our years of friendship disappeared like it never even happened. I did things they did not agree with and instead of putting their feelings aside, they cut ties. These years were hard. I had to completely start over and find the person who I wanted to be and not who my previous religion wanted me to be.
The Mormon religion has forever left a mark on me and not in the best way. They have some good teaching, but they also teach a lot of shame, judgement and false fears on their members. As I have grown and when I think back to the things I was taught in church, I realized that I never really agreed with what was being said and I questioned the teachings frequently. Now, this is my personal opinion. I have a lot of friends who are still active in the religion that are amazing people. I would never treat someone differently just because of my own personal experience. Organized religions work really well for some and for some, just not so much.
With all the negative experiences aside, I was taught some good things in church and enjoyed it a lot of the time. It was not all bad.
-Talia :)
ps. If you are the friends I was talking about, I really have NO hard feelings towards anyone! We were young, impressionable and just trying to follow the teachings of the church!
No comments:
Post a Comment