Squished blueberries.

So here I am, just scrolling through Twitter on this fine Tuesday evening, and I come across an acne/skin care page. Intrigued, because I've had bad skin pretty much all my life, I started reading all their tweets.

THEY WERE ABSURD.

Literally, everything was about random foods to put on your skin to clear up black heads and pores or something.

"Oh, did you know if you put tomatoes on your face, it shrinks your pores?"

"Wash your face with lemon water and then squish blueberries on your face and WALA! No more acne scars!"

NO, I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW THAT BECAUSE I DON'T JUST WALK OVER TO MY FRIDGE, PULL OUT A TOMATO AND RUB IT ON MY FACE. THAT WOULD BE WEIRD.

First of all, who decided that squishing blueberries or lemons on your face was a good idea?

"Good morning mom, we can go to the mall later, right now I am going to grab a handful of these blueberries and squish them on my face to not have acne anymore!"

*three days later*

"WOW. HOLY SHIZ BALLS, MY ACNE IS CLEARED UP. THANK GOODNESS FOR THOSE BLUEBERRIES."

Like you might as well just rub the Cheeto dust from your fingers onto your acne and pretend you are a Tiger or something. (Getting Cheeto dust in your eye is really a painful, unfortunate event so I suggest washing your hands after finishing the bag)

Second of all, 'squish' might just be my new favorite word next to 'lurk' and 'nonchalant'. 

Speaking of things that don't make sense, today I was at Victoria's Secret and as I was waiting to pay for probably the second best shirt I own, the worker literally said these exact words to me:

"I saw you walk in and I knew you were going to buy this exact shirt."

I mean, I feel like she wasn't trying to be rude, but what the h does that even mean?  This is the first time I've ever even seen you and I just walked in. Plus, this shirt is amazing, we all have to agree.

I know I always say 

"Probably the best *insert amount of money spent* I've ever spent!"

But this actually is.

After I eat the cheese fries in my fabulous shirt and hate myself for it even though they are dripping with deliciousness, I'll sit back on my couch and think

this is how summer should really be.

taliajune;