A letter from Target.

Dear every female on planet Earth,

Hi, it’s me, Target. I know you were just planning to come to me to buy some shampoo and maybe some conditioner, but I got my new fall collection in yesterday and that tan jacket you’ve been dying to have is now 50% off and on the corner of ‘you know you want me’ and ‘I’m not too expensive anymore so you won’t feel guilty buying me’. This is absolutely not me trying to lure you into my building of opportunities and dreams come true, but you know you love the fresh popcorn and soft pretzels on the way out right by the exit. 

Everyone says that you can’t come to me for just one thing. I have everything from cute decorative pillows that you know you don’t need, but they would really make the living room worth living in and The Walking Dead premiere a lot better on Sunday, to groceries so you don’t even have to go to Wal-Mart in your pajamas right after you buy that shower curtain that matches the tile in your friends moms bathroom that you feel like she needs. After that long hard hour of shopping for picture frames with cats on them, you need a coffee break. Conveniently, there is a Starbucks right next to your check-out lane. Who put that there? They are obviously a coffee genius. Everyone can use a Vanilla Latte with their new soap dispenser every once in a while.

Oh, you just passed the workout section. You never had any intention of running, going to the gym because you don’t even have a gym membership or doing a couple sit-ups today, but do you see how cute these shorts are? They would go perfect with this blue shirt that the mannequin is wearing. We’ll just set these bad boys in the basket and check out the clearance rack. This tennis skirt is 30% off? Have you ever played tennis? No? Well today is a good day to start, or maybe tomorrow even. We’ll get the skirt just in case because this sale is hard to beat and it may not be here tomorrow.

I’ve never personally seen your bedroom or bathroom, but I do know for a fact that this cheetah heated blanket throw would look perfect sitting on this chair in the corner of your room. You live in St. George and it’s still 90 degrees outside? That’s okay. For one, after this we will go check out the swims suits and two, you’ll be going home for Christmas and it’s going to be freezing cold. We’ll use it then. Oh my, have you ever seen towels so soft and in such a cute color before? This sign here says they are on sale. These towels are regularly $9.99, but now they are $8.99. That’s a serious steal, let’s grab a couple because honestly, some light pink towels never hurt anybody and at some point you are going to have your own place. I’m sure they will really make the bathroom all come together.

Don’t freak out, but we are almost to your favorite aisle… the shoes. Those army green ankle boots with the cute buckles and zippers on the sides just got fully stocked this morning, and it’s raining outside, so you may want them to keep your feet dry if you decide to go out later tonight and they even match that outfit perfectly. If we walk over to the other side, all the sandals are on sale, even though summer is practically over, there is always next year and what if someone decides to surprise you with a getaway to a beach somewhere? That probably won’t happen, but at least you’ll be prepared and let’s be real here; a girl can never have too many shoes in her closet.

When you aren’t at the Starbucks in the front of the store, you drink coffee at your place. We just got these cute mugs in, and here’s one that has the New York skyline on it. You love New York and coffee, so why not have both? You’ll be the one of your roommates drinking coffee in the cutest mug ever. Oh, and would you look at that, there are these cute place-mats just sitting right by the mugs that match the one you chose out perfectly. I know that probably no one ever uses place-mats anymore besides toddlers, but do you see how cute they are? You need them. You really do. We’ll throw two into the cart in case one of your friends want to use one as well. 

I don’t know if you know this, but I have phone cases for your Iphone. If we come down this electronics aisle, here is this nice smiling teddy bear that is just dying to be the case on your phone. As we are in this aisle, you’re a pretty cool girl, so I’m sure you have pretty good taste in music, music that isn’t on the radio. We’ll just grab this bright pink AUX cord and on the short drive home, you can jam out. Jamming out is totally going to make you hungry, so it’s a good thing we are right next to the groceries.

It’s the best time of the year AKA Halloween time. You won’t be getting any Trick-or-Treaters for another couple of weeks, but there is no harm in just buying the candy now. We’ll also pick up some gum, donuts, Pizza Rolls and just throw in a couple more bags of Halloween candy because it only happens once a year. 

Our cart is pretty full, so we’ll just skip the automative aisle and work our way to the check out. Keep in mind, I do have $5 movies and the dollar section right up that neck of the woods. I know that you’ve been dying for some socks with ghosts and pumpkins on them and Perks of Being a Wallflower. 

Now, who says you can’t shop at Target for just one thing? In all reality, who needs just one thing? Thanks for shopping with me, I’ll most likely be seeing you again in the next couple of days.

Love, your friendly red circle, Target.